I don’t know about you, but I just can’t get my head wrapped around the fact that I am no longer obese. There I said it… I still feel fat!!
I have had a weight issue since I was 11 years old. I was what you would probably call “pudgy”. A had a few extra pounds around the middle and face; just enough to get teased about. Why did I have to be the ‘overweight’ kid?
I was first stigmatized by this on our first family trip to visit our relatives in Scotland. We spent the day at the beach and it was the first time I can remember feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. I can’t remember if someone said something to me, but I do remember feeling very uncomfortable showing my body to all in my swim trunks. Sad, but true.
From that point onward, I have always felt fat. I wasn’t (I have pictures that prove it), but that was how I have always felt. Like most kids in their teens, I sprouted up and lost all of that excess fat, slimmed out and grew up. I was more active and sporty; however the fattiness still lingered in my mind.
So, “blah, blah, blah, sad story”, whatever! Skip forward 30 odd years and having lived through ever increasing obesity, couch-potatoeness, and a general depression, I have come out the other end fitter, happier and have lost over 65 lbs of fat from my body. I weigh less than I did at age 20 and am orders of magnitude stronger.
I STILL FEEL FAT!!!
It’s ridiculous! I look in the mirror and “see” that I am thin. I put clothes on that are 8 sizes smaller than I was 1½ years ago. I no longer have a belly that gets in the way every time I bend over. What the hell is stopping me from feeling thin?
I know that I will never be fat again. Having found the “paleo” way of eating is a no brainer when it comes to nutrition and stable weight maintenance. I know that I will always be fit; again, a no brainer since finding CrossFit/MovNat style workouts. Empirically I see that I am slim and fit; emotionally, I don’t.
What I really want is to feel comfortable in my own skin.